Dating an Orange Narcissist
An old mate of mine turned up to the farm with a baseball cap on.
It wasn’t sunny.
As we shook hands I noticed his head was bandaged.
“What have you done to your head, cobber?” I asked, concerned for his wellbeing.
“I’ve just had a surgical procedure,” he said. “Grafts.”
I had no idea what that meant.
But apparently, a surgeon yanked the hair from his rump then sewed it into his noggin, like a seed. And then my mate spent the next few weeks watering it with enough worm juice so that hopefully a few bum hairs would sprout.
Or something like that.
“How much did this hair-raising procedure cost you?” I asked.
“Forty grand,” he said sheepishly.
“No,” I gasped.
“Yeah, yeah,” he laughed.
Now my mate paid for this out of the savings in his Smile bucket.
But if you're missing both your hair and your savings, help is at hand:
“Thinking about a hair transplant but the cost is holding you back? You may be able to access your superannuation on compassionate grounds to fund your treatment…”
Check this Facebook ad out:
Huh?
In 2024, Australians lodged more than 90,000 applications to raid their super early on compassionate grounds. Over a billion dollars was released, mostly for medical costs. Authorities are now calling out businesses that push people toward overly expensive or unnecessary treatments funded by their retirement savings.
And some of those treatments include hair transplants.
Apparently this now falls under ‘mental health’.
Right.
Getting bum fluff sewn into your head and calling it a mental health necessity is a stretch.
But think about what happens when these blokes are old and grey and finally do the maths. Factor in the tax on early withdrawal and decades of lost compound interest, and that $40,000 procedure can quietly turn into a $200,000 mistake.
All for something that, in most cases, is optional.
My mate can afford it. Plenty of people can’t.
And they’re the ones being sold.
One day they’ll stop working. One day they’ll have to start living off what’s left. And if they’ve been dipping into it early, that moment will arrive with less than they thought.
It’s enough to make you tear your hair out!
Tread Your Own Path!
P.S. We're heading into the school holidays, so I'll catch you in a couple of weeks!
Your Questions & Answers
Dating an Orange Narcissist
Am I Really the Bad Guy?
I Spent $800 on takeout food
Dating an Orange Narcissist
Hi Scott,
A lot of us Barefooters signed up to ING back in the day for the free banking and the good rates. Now I'm reading they've rolled out a paid subscription model overseas, up to $75 a month for the bells and whistles, and Australia's apparently on the list. If ING goes down that road, where are we all supposed to go?
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I rang up ING (admittedly when I was at the boozer).
"We're not doing it this year," the employee assured me.
So next year then.
After all, the big boss in Europe gave an interview to Bloomberg under the headline: "ING introduces subscription model to lift fee income." It also confirmed our little penal colony was on the list for the gouging.
"He said the quiet bit out loud ... that makes your job hard," I said.
"Uh, yes, it does," he said.
My view?
Banking is a lot like dating a narcissist.
When you first hook up they're all lovey dovey, and low-maintenance:
No bank fees! No ATM fees! High savings rates!
Then they get comfy. And slowly the hoops appear:
"Show me your pay packet if you want a good rate."
"Don't you dare touch your own savings, or my interest in you will... vanish."
They treat you worse every year ... putting out less and less, betting you're too busy to leave.
So where to next?
Well, I had a brief affair with UP, yet they ended up jerking me around as well.
My business banking is with a credit union, but that's kind of like listening to music on a walkman. It's financial virtue signalling, and mostly impractical.
Personally, I'm not playing banking Tinder, swiping right on every outfit that flirts with an extra 0.7%, knowing full well it disappears the second the honeymoon ends.
My view?
ING are not the sweetheart they were when I first wrote my book, but they're no Big Four either.
A subscription fee to hold my money though?
That'll be the day I tell them to pack their bags.
Am I Really the Bad Guy?
Hi Scott,
Both my parents have passed away and I'm inheriting the family home 50/50 with my sister. Neither of us plans to live there. She wants to keep it for sentimental reasons. I want to sell. It's a large acreage with an older house. Mowing, weeds, rodents, the works. And I can't stomach an empty house when people in our community are desperate for somewhere to live. My sister wants to buy me out via a long-term payment plan. But she's already said "you don't really need the money anyway," refused any discussion about terms, and forbidden me from asking about her finances. I've suggested she borrow from a bank instead. She thinks I'm being unreasonable. I'm yet to start a family and this money matters. Why does wanting my fair share make me the bad guy?
Tim
Hey Tim,
Your sister is grieving the loss of your parents, and right now that's guiding her decision to keep the joint.
You also said you're 'about to inherit the home' which tells me it's still pretty raw.
This is what happens mate! It's a totally understandable reaction.
So what can you do?
Give her some time. (You've got two years from the date of death before Capital Gains Tax kicks in.)
The reality of maintaining an acreage property is a pain in the toosh, and expensive as hell. So give it six months.
At the same time I'd find a way to honour your parents and your family. Maybe it's starting a new tradition, a yearly long weekend retreat that the entire family goes on. Or perhaps it's a donation in their name.
My wife's late father was a teacher. Each year she and her brother go back to his old high school and present a prize to a student in his name. It's sentimental, meaningful and hopeful all wrapped up in one night.
Better yet, ask her for some ideas.
You're not the bad guy. You're her brother, and with a little support you can help her with her grief, and help her use the money to honour them. That's the legacy they'd be proud of.
I Spent $800 on takeout food
Scott,
In 2021 a friend recommended your book to me. I was in a bad place, in a relationship that was incredibly abusive, emotionally and financially. I read it that Christmas and went through my spending. I was spending $800 a week on takeout because my cooking was "too shitty" for him to eat. After I'd worked a full day and he'd spent it gaming because "no one is hiring babe."
That was a devastating wake-up call. I restructured my spending and started saving. By the end of 2022 I was free. Tonight I got my end of financial year bonus. I've officially hit my 20% deposit goal, Scott. I can buy a home. I am happy crying right now. I have six months of expenses saved, a healthy ETF account, and I am free.
Sara
Hey Sara,
Hallelujah!
There is so much doom and gloom right now.
The government. Capital gains tax. The cost of living. All very real speed bumps. Yet the algorithm of outrage makes them feel like dead ends.
Not you, Sara.
You were in a genuinely awful situation. A bloke who wouldn't eat your cooking and wouldn't get a job.
Yet instead of staying stuck, you opened a book, set up some buckets, and followed the plan.
Year one you sorted yourself out.
Year two you walked out the door.
Year five you're happy crying over a deposit.
That is its own special kind of compounding.
I've answered thousands of letters over the years. What I've found is it takes most people about 12 months to sort themselves out, and around six years to become financially bulletproof.
Not many people follow a plan for five years. But the ones who do get moments like this.
A home deposit. Six months of expenses in the bank. An investment portfolio ticking away in the background. And something far more valuable than all of them:
Freedom. Well done. Enjoy tonight. You’ve earnt it.
Thanks for reading,
Scott