Help! I’ve Ruined My Husband’s Life

Hi Scott,

I'm overwhelmed, emotional and don't have any closer friends I can speak to or confide in. My husband and I recently brought a new house but the loan is eating up most of my pay. (He loves cars and we have 4 at the moment, but only use 2 at any time!) My husband said to me yesterday that he hates his life and that he hates never going on holidays and having fun like everyone else.  He's intimated that he's had a dreadful life since he's met me, and to be fair that's not wrong. And to top it off, I'm just recently pregnant. Please help.

Sandra

Sandra,

This isn't a money problem. This is your husband telling his pregnant wife that she's ruined his life … while he parks four cars in the driveway.

You're building a nest. He's building a hot wheels collection. And now he's blaming you for the fact that his choices have consequences. It sounds like you’ll soon have two babies to look after.

Here's what needs to happen:

You both sit down and have an honest conversation about what actually matters now. You will soon have a baby. You want them to grow up safe and secure, without the two of you fighting and stressing about money.

Tell him: "Here's what's important to me: Our baby. Our family. And not living under constant financial pressure."

Then be specific: "We need to sell at least two of these cars. We need a budget that doesn't eat my entire pay. And we need to stop pretending we can afford a lifestyle we can't."

Sandra, this must be incredibly stressful. The natural reaction is to sweep this under the rug and hope it gets better. Don't do that. 

Given you don't have close friends to confide in, I want you to reach out to a financial counsellor (1800 007 007). You need someone in your corner. In time, hopefully this will include your husband, but for now, you're in crisis and you need support and quickly. You need this sorted well before the baby comes.

Scott