Help! My In-laws Are Conspiracy Theory Cookers
Dear Scott,
My conspiracy theorist parents-in-laws are offering my husband and me $3,000 – but only if we invest it in silver. We live week to week, so this is serious money. They even sat us down to set up an ABC Bullion account. Silver will make us and them rich, apparently (they’re almost 70 and have never been smart with money). If we do what they say, they’ve also promised to enrol our two-year-old son in a prestigious Sydney boarding school where three generations of the family have gone.
The problem is I don’t want cooker investments. And I don’t want my son shipped off to boarding school four hours away! He’s TWO! We can’t afford decades of debt. And our three daughters get nothing because they’re not boys. Both sets of parents bankrupted themselves on school fees and had nothing for retirement. I won’t repeat that. But my husband won’t cross his parents. How do I make him see this is madness?
Linda
Hey Linda,
They may be crazy, but they’re also cunning.
In fact, I think your in-laws are about to make the trade of a lifetime:
But it ain’t silver ... that three grand they’re ‘giving’ you will buy them a say over your kids. And if you take it, you’ve agreed (silently) that they get a say:
In your investments.
In your two-year-old son’s schooling.
In the messages you send to your girls about their self-worth.
And they’re getting all that for, what, three grand?
In the wise words of the Brown Wiggle, “Bugger that”.
Look, if I were you, I wouldn’t waste energy trying to convert the in-laws. You won’t. People who mistake their silverware for a portfolio rarely change their minds over pavlova.
This conversation belongs with your husband.
But a word of warning: if you go after his parents you’ll push him straight into their corner.
So instead simply ask him:
“Both our parents bankrupted themselves on school fees and dud investments. Are we going to continue that tradition, or are we doing something different?”
Forget silver. It’s time for him to show some steel.