Rethink the six-berth motorhome!

Dear Barefoot,

I’ve loved your advice and guidance over the years. You’ve gotten me from knowing nothing about money management, and having a crappy Westpac account charging $5 monthly account fees, all the way to having $30,000 in index-based ETFs. Normally, you’re the one giving advice, but now those tables are turnin’. I heard about you planning an epic road trip with your fam, and that sounds AMAZING. But I also heard about how you’re going to do it. Barefoot, I love you, and don’t want you to die. That’s why you should definitely rethink driving a six-berth motorhome around Europe! The roads are chaotic, and I struggled driving in a little hatchback, so I can’t imagine doing it in a huge motorhome. If you insist, though, I hope you have Vin Diesel’s driving skills. Just don’t drive in and around the major cities – only use the motorhome to travel city to city. Anyway, stay safe and enjoy your trip – I can’t wait to hear all about it. Hopefully you’ll be back in one piece to tell the tale.
 
Christian

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Hi Christian,
 
This would have been handy to know before I left.
 
It was everything you described and more. So. Much. More.
 
Sicily was like Grand Theft Auto. Rome was hot, as in literally – we didn’t have airconditioning and it hit 50 degrees inside the motorhome, with the six of us.
 
I’ve actually been back for a while now (my editor was going to send out a search party). However, I’ve spent the last month or so down in the back paddock in front of a fire, in a foetal position, rocking back and forth.

Scott.

Eat, pray, panic

Late last year we got back from our latest family adventure.
 
We spent three-and-a-half months travelling through Europe in a motorhome.
 
Just writing that last line makes it sound very … Instagram influencer … #bestlife!
 
So let’s rip off the filter, starting on day three of the trip in the Swiss Alps.
 
Like all good horror movies, this one began innocently enough:
 
Liz jumped into the motorhome and sang:
 
“We’re heading to Italy today … who’s ready to have some gel-a-t-oooo!?”
 
(I personally think she came out a little early with this carrot … after all, we had a boring six-hour drive ahead of us, mainly in dark tunnels through the Swiss Alps.)
 
After about half an hour driving up what seemed to be a gigantic mountain, I nervously turned to Liz and said, “The tunnels … they’ll come soon … right?”
 
“Ummm”, she said, starting to bite her lower lip.
 
Uh-oh.
 
Our kids picked up on the tension in the cabin, and dutifully pressed ‘go’.
 
My two-year-old began totally teeing off, thrashing about in his car seat trying to escape like a drunk bogan being kicked out of the cricket, screaming “I want to go back to the farm NOW!”
 
My five-year-old, who’d been quiet for the entire morning, suddenly announced she was feeling dizzy (altitude sickness) and began chundering into a chip packet.
 
My seven-year-old started screaming at her, “Do you know how DISGUSTING you are?!”
 
While my 10-year-old sat reading Harry Potter, oblivious to the carnage surrounding him.
 
And then as we approached the top of the highest mountain peak … it happened.
 
“There’s a tunnel up ahead”, I cried to Liz.
 
A bright red road sign above the tunnel read:
 
“WARNING: LOW TUNNEL 3.2 METRES.”
 
And that was a problem, because the sticker on my windscreen read:
 
“WARNING: MOTORHOME HEIGHT 3.5 METRES.”
 
And so there we were, on the top of the Swiss Alps, literally on a cliff face, on a road so narrow you couldn’t turn a Vespa, let alone a 3.5-metre-high FIAT motorhome.
 
Calming myself, I hit the hazard lights, came to a gentle stop, turned to the kids, and started screaming at the top of my lungs, “STOP SCREAMING!”
 
Then I looked in my side mirror. There were now at least 25 cars banked up behind me, tooting and repeatedly yelling “FICK DICH!” at me.
 
It’s in pressure cooker moments like these that you work out the sort of husband, father and leader you really are. So I took a deep breath, turned to Liz and said:
 
“Get out.”

She nodded, and dutifully walked through the dark tunnel into oncoming traffic … flagging down cars, trucks and buses with nothing more than mum energy.
 
A few moments later she emerged back through the tunnel and gave me the thumbs up.
 
So hot.  
 
And so, with the cabin now dead silent, we crept through the centre of the tunnel – missing the top of the roof by no more than Peter Dutton’s fringe.
 
We made it!

Did things get better?

You bet they did: this was after all a trip of a lifetime.
 
What made the biggest impact on us?
 
Well, it wasn’t the major must-sees:
 
The Mona Lisa: “It’s pretty small, Dad.”
 
The Eiffel Tower: “It’s too big, there’s no way I’m going up that many stairs.”
 
The Trevi Fountain: “It’s kinda like the one in Bendigo.”
 
Rather, it was the tiny towns and villages we visited:
 
You see, Italy is very rancho relaxo.
 
They work to live, not the other way around (like we do).
 
All the shops close down at lunchtime and everyone goes home for a few hours to relax and spend time with their family. And then in the evenings the old people gather in the town square and play cards, talk, and enjoy a vino while all around them their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids play.
 
We quickly became part of the community. The little Italian nonnas at our local espresso bar would whisk my blond two-year-old away and play with him. After a few espressos, and some Nutella-filled pastries, I’d go and find him. “Is he being annoying?” I’d ask.
 
They’d smile and say …
 
“Scialla.” (Don’t stress.)
 
Tread Your Own Path!

Editor’s note: I haven’t checked my inbox in six months. There are a *lot* of emails. The one that follows was sent back in June …

Getting Out of Here

Hi Scott,

With borders now open and people enjoying the luxury of travel again, what do you think is the best option for money access overseas? Should I get a prepaid foreign currency card, and if so is there one you recommend? Or should I just use my Australian account and take the fees and exchange rate as they come?

Thanks, Sandiego

Hi Sandiego,

This is the first travel money question I’ve received in years!

Personally, I think travel money cards that the banks and currency operators offer are as dated as travellers’ cheques and thumbing through a four-inch-thick Lonely Planet guide to Bali.

These days most decent transaction accounts offer free international transactions, and they don’t mark up the wholesale interest rates offered by Visa or Mastercard. So that means you can use your own account without getting legged.

The only thing to watch out for is when you’re overseas and the machine gives you the option of paying in AUD. Always click “NO” and pay in the local currency, or you’ll be ripped off with a higher currency conversion than the rate your bank will charge you.

Scott.

We’re Hitting The Open Road

Scott,

We want to leave our comfortable life and travel for the next four years. My hubby wants to sell the house and invest that money into an index fund. He says it will be safer than leaving our property with tenants and will be one less worry and cost while we are gone. Also, it’s likely we won’t end up coming back to this part of the country anyways. I am terrified we won’t be able to get back on the property ladder when we settle down again. Is an index fund good enough to keep our money growing for four years, compared to our home?

Laney

Hi Laney,

You should book in and see a financial advisor and ask them your question.

Their answer should be: “I have absolutely no idea where stocks will be trading in four years’ time.”

Laney, the question you’re asking depends on factors outside of your control. Instead, a good financial advisor should look at things you can control – like your goals, and your fears.

And if you’re “terrified” that you won’t be able to get back on the property ladder then you might at least consider renting out your home while you’re away.

Reason being, the Tax Office allows you to rent out your home for up to six years without subjecting it to capital gains tax (CGT), meaning you could get the income while you’re away travelling and sell it tax free when you return.

Scott.