The Worst Question EVER

Hi Scott,

My adult son posed a hypothetical question the other day: what happens if someone dies and they have a huge gambling debt? Sadly this is the reality for many young men today. Is the debt something that needs to be paid out of the deceased person’s will? We are fortunate to not have this situation but he knows young men with babies who do! Thank you. We all love your books and columns and value your advice so much!

Sharron

Sharron,

Stop what you’re doing right now and go and find your son.

When the two of you are alone, I want you to ask him the following question without flinching:

“Have you ever thought about killing yourself?”

Don’t fill in the silence. Let him answer. Maintain eye contact.

The best case scenario is that I have completely overreacted, and everything is totally fine.

The worst case scenario is too heartbreaking, and too final, to walk back from. 

Don’t mess around with hypothetical questions like this – treat it as a warning signal.

I’ve spoken to enough heartbroken parents who would give anything to have that awkward three-minute conversation.

Whatever he says, let him know that you are there to support him with anything he’s going through.

If he dismisses you, feel free to give him my details, and I will help him, confidentially, and free of charge.

Good luck.

One more thing: 

If you’re reading this and thinking “bloody hell, that’s me” – stop suffering in silence. You don’t have to do this alone. Pick up the phone and call 1800 858 858. The people on the other end of that line have heard it all before. They won’t judge you. And they actually know how to help. It’s free, it’s confidential, and they’re there 24/7. Sometimes the hardest part is just making the call. My advice? Do it anyway.

Scott

My Drug Addict Little Sister Needs My Help

Scott,

I’m trying to help my 23-year-old sister get back on her feet after a drug problem that’s cost her her relationships, her apprenticeship, and her confidence. 

She has got about $10,500 owing on a car loan that’s gone to debt collectors, a $1,100 Optus bill also with collectors, another $900 to Repco, and roughly $4,000 in speeding fines and court fees.

She’s not working right now but picks up a bit of cash from odd jobs. I’m hoping that if I help her get through this, she’ll start taking responsibility, rebuild her self-respect, and maybe find her way back into the workforce.

Our parents have moved interstate to distance themselves. I’m 35, run my own business, have a family, and no debt.

Any advice?

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

This isn’t a money problem, it’s a drug problem.

Your sister has an illness, and the symptoms are her debts. The drugs are the cause.

Everything starts with her ongoing recovery.

My advice?

Do not pay off her debts. 

You’re just enabling her behaviour. You may as well buy her drugs!

So what should you do?

Give her the number of the National Debt Helpline 1800 007 007, and ask for an appointment to go and see a financial counsellor in her area. You might even go with her to provide moral support. 

The Financial Counsellor may find that the debts are no longer enforceable (they’re statute barred), or that her personal situation and lack of money is such that her lenders won’t be able to recover anything from her anyway (well, except the court fines, they stick).

Doing this gives your little sister some agency and control over her own life. 

My view?

I don’t think the money she owes is a big issue. It’ll sort itself out eventually. You’re a very important person in her life right now, and just being there for her recovery is the most valuable thing you can do for your little sister. Ultimately the choice is up to her.

Good luck.

Scott

The Desperate Mumma

Dear Scott,

As I write this my two-year-old is screaming in his cot and I’m in tears because we’re financially ruined by the rental market. We’ve been forced to move five times in six years – because of landlords selling, or moving back in. And each move wipes out our savings. In 2021 we were left homeless at Christmas, staying with friends for six weeks. My husband does food delivery, and I run two businesses from home while caring for our toddler. We work incredibly hard but live week to week.

Now we’re being kicked out again. We’ve been approved for a new place but need a $4,000 bond that we don’t have. We’re looking at a 29% payday loan just to avoid ruining our perfect rental record. Despite budgeting carefully and trying to follow Barefoot principles, we can’t get ahead. Every time we build up our Mojo, another forced move destroys it. Where do we go for help? I’m drowning and can’t see a way out.

Desperate Mumma

Hello,

The rental market in this country is broken – but you sure as hell aren’t.

You’ve survived five forced moves, built two businesses from home while caring for a toddler, and kept a perfect rental record. That’s not drowning. You’re one of the toughest mother-truckers going around!

But here’s the thing – payday lenders are loan sharks. Their loans are not meant to be paid off. They’re designed to trap you in debt until they eat the food off your table.

My advice?

Call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007 and speak to a financial counsellor. It may be that you can apply for a Rentstart Bond Loan, which can cover 100% of your rental bond – interest free.

Know this: you have done nothing wrong. Your story is the ugly underbelly of a policy failure that’s been years in the making, that Canberra doesn’t care about fixing.

Keep fighting for your family – you’re tougher than I’ll ever be.

Scott

My Son is a Disaster

Scott,

My adult son is a financial disaster. He owes money to lenders I’ve never even heard of – Credit24, Fair Go, Pepper – and over the years I’ve paid off loans that weren’t mine just to keep him afloat. Now some ‘consultant’ has told him to borrow from family to pay off his debts and start again. But I’ve heard that line before. For eight years, I’ve been his safety net. I’m emotionally exhausted, financially drained, and now he’s asking me to take out a loan in my name. I’m in my 60s. I can’t keep doing this. Please – how do I help him without sacrificing myself?

Helen

Helen,

You’re not going to like my response.

Heck, I don’t even like my response, but I’m going to give it to you anyway:

Helen, you are failing as a mum.

By continually bailing him out for the past eight years you’ve robbed him of the chance to grow up.

Worse, you’ve put your own financial future in jeopardy doing it!

My advice?

Tell him the Bank of Mum is officially closed. No loans. No co-signing. No exceptions.

“No” is a complete sentence.

If you keep rescuing him, he’ll end up being a 50-year-old flailing around with his financial floaties on, waiting for his mummy to rescue him from the shallow end of life.

Suggest that he call a free financial counsellor via the National Debt Helpline (1800 007 007), and that they’ll help him sort out his mess.

You’re a kind woman, and a loving mum. But right now, Helen, you’re killing him with kindness.

Scott

The Working Poor

Hi Scott,
 
I'm a single mum of two very active teenagers. I earn a decent full-time wage but I am overwhelmed by debt. Right now, I only have $50 left in my account until the next payday. Their father doesn’t contribute. There isn’t a facet of our lives which is not struggling and scary daily. I’m receiving defaults and letters of demand from debt collectors, and I’m behind on my rent. I’m committed to getting out of this situation and have even started selling items to raise the $2000 for a Mojo account. After escaping an abusive relationship and being homeless, I want more than anything to give my children a stable and worry-free existence. Can you recommend a financial advisor who can help me set up the investment accounts for the kids?
 
Jenny

Jenny
 
There are things your kids need:
 
A loving mum who isn’t totally stressed out and working round the clock. A warm house with food on the table. Eight hours of sleep. Part-time jobs so they can fund their active lifestyles.
 
A stock market trust fund is not one of them.
 
The way you give your kids a stable life is to get stability yourself. Research from Deakin University has found that the financial stress that you’re under feels the same to your brain as physical torture. In other words, you can’t operate like that for too long – it takes a toll on everyone.
 
So I want you to call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007, and talk to a financial counsellor. They’ll sort out who you should pay, and who can bugger the hell off for the time being.
 
Jenny, I want you to know this:
 
 I think you’re doing a great job keeping it all together. All the sacrifices you’re making, and all the hard work you’re doing, isn’t going unnoticed. Your kids are watching and absorbing everything you’re doing for them, even if they don’t tell you today. You’re making a hell of a difference, you just wait and see.

Scott.

Have a beer with me

Hi Scott,

Thank you so much for last week’s column about helping the pensioner with the insurance claim. I live in South Lismore and I’m still waiting for my insurance payout, and it is increasingly difficult to get any information from the insurance company. Your column has given me the much-needed incentive to keep fighting for what I am entitled to, not what they think I should settle for!

Elise

Hi Elise,

You are exactly the type of Lismore local I want to meet this Thursday night!

If you can, please come to my book launch, or my community event at the Hotel Metropole at 7.00pm (RSVPs are required for both, see below). Please spread the word with your friends. As someone who’s lived through a natural disaster myself, I know I can help.

Scott

After Midnight We’re Going to Let it All Hang Out

Scott,

I have owned a small coffee shop for eight years, but since Covid started I just haven’t been able to catch up. I’ve been taking on credit cards to keep suppliers off my back, and also for wages. Now I’m desperate and so embarrassed and ashamed of my situation. Can you PLEASE answer my question as I can’t speak to anyone on the phone, as I don’t want my partner or my employees to hear what’s going on?

Helen

Hi Helen

So I went looking in my inbox to see if you’d given me more info, and I saw that you sent your email at 1:08am. I get a lot of questions coming through after midnight when people can’t sleep. I’d like to help you get some sleep again, so here’s what I want you to do.

The Small Business Debt Helpline (sbdh.org.au) has a web chat feature on its homepage where you can chat discreetly with a qualified financial counsellor – someone like me. They are experts in helping small business people in exactly your situation. They are government-funded and free from any conflicts (and they do amazing, life-changing work).

I often say that financial counselling is the best-kept secret of the finance industry. Well, both the Small Business Debt Helpline and the National Debt Helpline (ndh.org.au) have this chat feature. It’s a great first step to help you get the support you need.

Scott.

You can taste the danger in the air

Right before a bushfire, you can taste the danger in the air.

You can smell the smoke.

You can often see the flames flickering way off in the distance.

You can hear the fire engine sirens, and see the emergency services’ utes buzzing around.

You tune in to the ABC radio to hear the latest warnings from the authorities.

And then you brace yourself as the head of the fire roars through and destroys everything in its path.

It’s sheer madness. Utter destruction.

And then moments later it’s … eerily quiet. You can walk around and survey the damage.

Floods are the exact opposite:

All you hear is rain. Then the water starts rising. It’s relentless.

Yet the water doesn’t quickly recede. It just sits there and ruins everything you own, covering everything you hold dear with rot and faeces.

There is no quick escape. Most people are trapped, and isolated, and hungry, and traumatised.

I called up a colleague of mine, Kimbah, who is right in the middle of the floods.

“I’m really just heartbroken, Scott”, she said, her voice cracking.

Kimbah runs one of the oldest financial counselling services in the country. Her office is located in the heart of Lismore, in the grand old council building that was built in 1886.

“The last time the floods came through, the water made it into the office and reached about 40 cm up the wall, which meant the bottom of all the filing cabinets got soaked. So this time, I told the team to stack things on the desks … just to be safe.”

This time, the water level reached 3.3 metres.

This time, they lost absolutely everything.

Now, you don’t sign up to be a not-for-profit financial counsellor if you want to make a quid. You do it because you care deeply about your community. And right now Lismore, and surrounding areas, are suffering through what Kimbah calls “a catastrophe of biblical proportions”.

Yet I tried to pull Kimbah back into the business of financial counselling for her clients:

“You and I know that a coping mechanism for people in a crisis is to want to get back to normal … which often results in them making poor decisions with their insurance claims. That’s something you can help with …”

“What insurance?” she snapped. “It costs people $28,000 a year for flood insurance in Lismore. Who the hell can afford that?”

Drop the anchor!

To me, what we are witnessing here is a failure of the system.

All too often it’s the most vulnerable people in our communities that become the collateral damage of these ‘once-in-a-hundred-year natural disasters’ … that seem to come around every few years.

Thankfully, the Lismore financial counselling service has been faithfully serving their community for decades … helping them stay afloat.

And, come hell or high water, Kimbah assures me they’re not going anywhere. So if you’ve been impacted by floods, call the National Debt Helpline 1800 007 007 and speak to a financial counsellor.

Tread Your Own Path!