I took a deep breath and dialled my mother.
"Mum, it's me. I need … your credit card details," I said.
I was standing in a crowded Apple Store, where I'd been for the past three hours.
Tomorrow was my son's 13th birthday, and I'd decided to get him an Apple Watch. Well, truthfully, I'd decided to buy myself a new Apple Watch, and he was getting my old hand-me-down. I was wearing his present.
Dad of the year.
The only problem was that to set up his kids' account, I first had to verify I was his parent. And that required a credit card.
I don't have one.
The blue-shirted Apple dude helping me thought it was the funniest thing ever. Then I called my mum, but he couldn't stop giggling.
The shop was loud. It sounded exactly like a scam.
"Who is this?" she said suspiciously.
"It's me," I assured her.
"And why do you need my credit card details?" she snapped.
"Because I want to rip you off, Mum. I'm going to buy a one-way ticket to Greece."
And then she hung up on me.
Fair enough.
When she called me back from her phone, she was still suspicious, but I gave her just enough grandmother guilt: if she didn't help me, she'd ruin her grandson's birthday.
She whispered out the numbers. I could hear the distrust in her voice, and my old man hovering in the background: "What's this all about!?"
"And the three digits on the back?" I asked.
That almost broke her.
After all that, it turned out Mum had a debit card. The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Declined.
I looked at my son's birthday present on my wrist: 10 minutes till the store closed.
There was no other choice. I had to bring out the big guns: my mother-in-law.
She has even fewer reasons to trust me than my mother.
My own mother hung up on me. My mother-in-law read out the numbers.
So, two things. First, if a loved one rings asking for money, hang up and call them back. My mother worked that out before I did. Second, have a family code word for when private things need to be asked over the phone.
Ours is Greece.
Tread Your Own Path!
Your Questions & Answers
The Big Day is a Month Away, And I Have Cold Feet
Winning the Losers Game
The Big Day is a Month Away, And I Have Cold Feet
Scott
My fiancée and I are both 29 and getting married next month, and the bills for the big day have finally hit. Her family is contributing $40K and mine $20K. She loves ‘nice’ things, and it was important to me to have all my family and friends there (100 guests), so the total will be around $125K. Yes, I’m ashamed of the $125K, but for her wedding it has to be to that ‘standard’.
We can afford it, but it’s going to dip significantly into our (my) savings. I earn $150K and she earns $100K. I don’t agree with the way her family uses money emotionally. It’s always been doled out willy-nilly and has created some bad spending behaviours and expectations in my fiancée, but it’s never really been my business. I, on the other hand, follow the Barefoot Steps and save most of my income into my Fire Extinguisher bucket. I have also put $20K more into our house deposit than she did. Once the bills are settled, do I ask her to pay me back the shortfall from her side? Or do I cop it out of my own savings?
Don’t Mention My Name
Hello Don’t Mention My Name
As a financially savvy person, you’re thinking this will be the most expensive day of your life, right?
I mean it’s one hundred and twenty five thousand smackers!
It won’t be.
The most expensive day of your life will be the day you get divorced.
Because, mate, the way you are writing about your future wife tells me there’s trouble ahead:
You’re blaming her (and her family!) for everything, and taking zero ownership of the fact that it was your choice to blow out the guest list.
And how long will the honeymoon last after you hit her up for the shortfall for the wedding?
Here’s you: “Nah, I’m just a bit stressed and anxious about the wedding, it’ll all blow over.”
Here’s me: “It won’t blow over, it’s more likely to eventually blow up.”
This is my bread and butter, bloke!
The financial stuff gets harder once you get married, not easier. And if you’re going to make it forever after, you have to be able to talk about your money openly and honestly.
What does that look like?
Well, before Liz and I ended up under a gumtree at the farm (it was as cheap as it was romantic), we went to see the minister at our local church, and went through pre-marriage counselling.
The counselling program asked a series of questions that cover finances, lifestyle expectations, values, and specific scenarios and puts them on paper for you both to talk through. It was one of the most eye-opening things we’d ever done, and I left knowing that Liz was my forever after. You’ll get the same clarity, one way or another.
You should try it. It’s the cheapest move you’ll make (free!), and it might save you hundreds of thousands of dollars in the future).
Winning the Losers Game
Scott
I'm a recovering gambling addict. For the past decade, my life has been shrouded in the absolute fog and chaos caused by the punting demon. Needless to say, my finances were a mess: debt, loans, big wins, bigger losses, the lot.
I’m now approaching my late 20s, and with the love and support of a great partner, I’m pleased to say I haven’t gambled in almost a year. But now I’m faced with the reality of having significantly stunted my financial growth. I’ve saved about $8,000 in an emergency fund since giving up gambling (as well as purchasing an engagement ring!). I’m proud of that, yet aware that it’s not all that much in the scheme of things – especially when thinking about big-ticket items like buying a house or investing.
I’ve recently decided to take a $15K pay cut ($100K to $85K) in the pursuit of happiness. But I’m worried I’ve set myself back even further. Should I give up on traditional investing or buying a house? Is it wise to just keep growing my emergency fund, self-sacrifice to super and focus on things like travel instead? There’s also a wedding to pay for soon ... gulp! Advice appreciated!
Lenny
Hi Lenny
When you were gambling you were always chasing your losses, trying to get back to square one.
I sit across the table from people who have destroyed their lives. They have no money, and huge debts. Their partner has left them. They don’t have any friends because they’ve begged, borrowed and stolen from them. Their life is an absolute wreck.
That is not you.
You haven’t gambled in a year. You have a loving partner and you’re about to get married. You have savings in the bank. And you have not only worked out what makes you happy, you have found a job that delivers it.
And yet it sounds like you’re still chasing your losses, trying to get back to square one.
You’ve hit the jackpot, dude!
My advice?
Recovery is a day-by-day process, and so is wealth.
It starts with rituals like a Date Night with your partner. You’re not doing this alone anymore.
Your joint savings goals are the wedding (preferably under a gumtree), a honeymoon, and then a house deposit (adding extra to your super comes after you’ve bought your home).
You’ve had the courage and strength to tackle your addiction head on. That was the hard part. Everything else you’ll face will be easier because of that … and also because you’re doing it in a job you love, side by side with a partner you love.
You Got This!
Thanks for reading.
Scott.