We Are in the Poo
Dear Scott,
Three days ago my husband rang to say sewage was pouring out of our basic 70s suburban Melbourne house. A plumber quoted $48,000 plus GST to dig 2.5 metres down under our old cubbyhouse to fix the blockage.
By the time I got home, my hubby had paid a small deposit. Sewage was flooding the neighbour’s place and the street gutter. We pissed on the lawn that night. Next morning our youngest had a baby wipe shower and pooed into a plastic bag-lined bucket before his school production.
The plumber returned and pressured my husband into a payment plan, and then cornered me. He literally grabbed my phone when his ‘interest free’ app wouldn’t load. I saw the finance company ‘Humm’ and remembered your warnings, but I had major surgery booked at work (I’m a vet) and had to leave.
After performing the surgery and euthanising a dog with an inoperable tumour, I came home to find a Portaloo being delivered. No digger had arrived, just a bloke with a shovel.
Thursday morning I noticed water still flowing despite no taps running. I was convinced it was coming from neighbours uphill. The plumber dismissed me. I rang Yarra Valley Water. The blockage was in the communal sewer over our fence, not our property. Yet the plumber kept digging.
When my husband questioned the plumber, a ‘chief’ arrived demanding a 30% cancellation fee. My hubby’s distraught. The ‘chief’ returns Monday at 9am for our decision.
We’ve already sold shares to pay. What do we do?
B
Hey B,
These guys sound like total turdburglars.
Look, scammers are experts in exploiting people when the crap hits the fan (or in your case the neighbour’s yard). Still, I’m sure your husband feels embarrassed and ashamed.
However, you likely have a 10-day cooling-off period, and the 30% break fee is probably unenforceable (they can only charge actual costs incurred).
Let him know that I think sorting this out will be as simple as cleaning the dunny after a seven-year old’s slumber party (plug your nose, grab some Pine O Clean, apply some elbow grease).
First, cancel their services via email immediately – state that you’re exercising your cooling-off right.
Second, contact Humm finance: tell them you’re disputing the contract and want the finance cancelled. If they give you any pushback, contact me and I’ll call them.
Third, get two other quotes (and get on to Yarra Valley Water) and prove the $48,000 is inflated.
Finally, Consumer Affairs Victoria (1300 558 181), and Consumer Action Law Centre on (03) 9670 5088, for official advice on dealing with this diarrhoea.
My guess?
Most scammers get the trots when they see you roll up your sleeves and quote your rights.
It’s time to flush these turds!