My Son’s Girlfriend is a Tramp

Scott,

My son’s girlfriend decided to move in with him. I suggested a cohabitation agreement, only to hear it is too expensive ($2,000 according to them). He has no debt. His girlfriend has $71,000 study debt and a five-year-old child. She drives a big family 4x4 vehicle. My son drives an entry-level Suzuki. The young child’s father does not pay maintenance – Mum’s choice. 

My son earns more than her, but all expenses and debt are split 50/50. She is doing further study (thankfully her employer is paying for it), so she has limited time after a day’s work. So my son does the housework, cooks, bathes and feeds the child while working full time. I might be a pedantic mother, and I understand that times have changed, but I still see red flags!

Helen

Hi Helen,

It sounds like you think your boy’s new girl is a tramp.

That being said, this is not her first rodeo, and she didn’t trample her baby’s daddy.

 So there’s that going for her.

The real question isn’t whether they need a $2,000 legal document. It’s whether they’ve actually talked about what ‘fair’ means when one person brings debt, a child, and a 4x4 to a household where the other person brings income, a Suzuki, and all the cooking skills. 

A cohabitation agreement forces that conversation– not just because it’s legally binding, but because sitting across from a solicitor makes it impossible to dodge the hard questions: What happens if you split? Who pays her debt? What’s his role with the child? How do you divide assets when one person comes in with debts?

Here’s an analogy you may want to suggest to your son: You don’t expect to prang your Hilux but you still get insurance, because the financial and emotional ramifications could be catastrophic.

The real power of hanging out with people who bill by the minute is getting clarity should things go from “I love you” to “I’m in the dog box” to “I’m keeping the dog”.

Disclosure: I chose not to get a prenup with my wife, despite my lawyer begging me to the same way a labrador begs for a sausage.

Why?

Because I went all in.

Maybe your son has too.

That’s his call to make, not yours. Even if watching him make it keeps you up at night.