My Sister-in-Law is a Bludger

Scott,

I am over it! My husband’s sister, her partner and their three kids have been living off my in-laws for five years. They moved in to ‘save for a rental’. Five years and another baby later, still nothing. The partner only just started working after four years of unemployment. Meanwhile, my husband and I have sold our first home, have relocated, and are smashing our mortgage following your advice. We never get acknowledgement from his parents. Maybe that’s why I’m furious watching those kids learn it’s okay to freeload. Should my husband say something to his sister? Or do the in-laws just need to kick them out?

Lena

Hey Lena,

You’re angry because you want a pat on the back for being an adult.

So here you go:

Pat. Pat.

Lena, the only external validation you need is the fact that you’re not holed up with your mother-in-law eating apricot chicken in her lounge room each night.

These people are unlikely to change. 

So I’d redirect your emotional credits towards helping their kids. 

Show them what self-sufficiency looks like. Take them to your place. Let them see that adults work, save, and stand on their own two feet. They’re learning from everyone around them right now – make sure you’re one of the teachers.

Just don’t expect any pats on the back.